dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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