i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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