dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
