I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
