I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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