me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Dignity is for republicans.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
