I think I died a long time ago.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
