Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
