dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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