That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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