We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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