have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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