Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
sex in a hospital.. check
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
