I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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