Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Blood and glitter go together right?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
