Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
