plz talk dirty to me
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
