so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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