you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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