Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
