You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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