1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My bed smells like the plague
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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