it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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