There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
soo... how was my night?
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