I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
