Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize