Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize