i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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