his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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