His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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