I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
