if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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