He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
