rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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