I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
