I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Drake has all the answers
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
