I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
