I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
