Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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