worst night to have a conscience
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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