If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
