got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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