I think I died a long time ago.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
