Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
