he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
