would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
