i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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