then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
