Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
