He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
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I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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