Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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