Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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