We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
