well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
