did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
