I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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