I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
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