am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Someone signed my nipple.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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