in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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