I hate all girls vehemently.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
