I saw his package. It spoke to me.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
ttyl tear gas
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
