does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
