I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
