Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
