You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
