Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
