She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
