I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
