you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
