He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
