he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
