She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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