take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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