saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize