just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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