the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
