omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
