from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
