You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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